Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
