He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
