ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
