Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
