how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is the high leading the old right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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