break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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