hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize