saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
