Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
