i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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