Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
