the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
