official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
