Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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