I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
