Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
vagina is talking i cant
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
