I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
