I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize