What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
