I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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