the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
