last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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