They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
