alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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