Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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