I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I FOUND THE LEGS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
