woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
