My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
