So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
