I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
