You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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