This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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