threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
