It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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