So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
