Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
