apparently the secret to your success is patron
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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