Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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