I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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