she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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