it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
