I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
