I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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