Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
