My Higher Power is John Stamos
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
