I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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