Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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