Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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