I just cut my nipple shaving
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
