Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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