i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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