Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
