i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
