can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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