I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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