If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
