That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
