Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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