I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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