Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
