ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
