I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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