I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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