Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I understand Curling. That high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
