So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
