did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
