Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
