My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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