woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
