I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
