1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
