just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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