is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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