i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize