She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
