break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
